


Long Overdue

by BatmanWhoLaughss



Series: The Importance of Being Ben [3]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Family Feels, Family Fluff, First Meetings, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Kindred Spirits, POV Ben Solo, POV First Person, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-31
Updated: 2020-01-31
Packaged: 2021-02-25 14:56:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22497952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BatmanWhoLaughss/pseuds/BatmanWhoLaughss
Summary: Anakin, Ben, and a Very Long Talk.(Spoilers- takes place post Ep IX!) Suggest reading parts 1 and 2 first.
Relationships: Anakin Skywalker & Ben Solo, Anakin Skywalker & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Kylo Ren & Anakin Skywalker
Series: The Importance of Being Ben [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1606558
Comments: 17
Kudos: 40





	Long Overdue

**Author's Note:**

> (Last spoiler warning for ep 9!) Hope you all enjoy!! Highly suggest reading parts 1 and 2 of this series first, before this one. I love thinking about how absolutely STUNNED Ben would be to meet the real Anakin, since all he ever knew was Palpatine manipulating him, and I wanted grandfather and grandson to BOND OKAY. 
> 
> Always love those kudos/comments, so be sure to let me know what you think! Would love your feedback. You can find parts 1 and 2 here: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1606558

“Someone else?”  _ Who else could possibly want to talk to me?  _ Was my father here after all? Could I make amends with him too? Hope coursed through me, but Luke seemed to read my thoughts in my expression, because he gave me a sad look. 

“...Your father’s not here, Ben. I’m sorry. But someone else has been wanting to talk to you for quite some time now.”

“I… who-”

I stopped short as a figure materialized in front of us, a short distance away. I didn’t know him, but his presence still felt familiar to me, like an echo out of a dream.

He was wearing dark Jedi robes, similar to Luke’s, with long brown hair framing his face in waves. He was younger than me, and about my height. A scar ran across one of his blue eyes, which had a mischievous spark to them. I’d seen the same look in Luke’s eyes at times, and when the man smiled at me, I froze. 

I knew exactly who I was looking at, but my grandfather didn’t look anything like I’d imagined. 

“Ben Solo. It’s good to meet you, grandson.”

Luke clasped me on the shoulder. “Ben, this is Anakin Skywalker, my father.”

I was stunned. This man looked… well, like a kid. He looked nothing like the man I knew as Darth Vader, the one I’d read about in the rebel archives, or the First Order records. I couldn’t picture this man wearing the dark, mechanical mask I’d been talking to, praying for answers from for years as Snoke’s apprentice. 

I thought I knew Darth Vader. Snoke told me stories of his power… what a legendary Dark force he was. I thought he had been guiding me towards the Dark side until Palpatine told me otherwise, but as he held his hand out for me to shake and I grasped it, almost zombie-like, I realized just how wrong I’d been. I could feel Anakin’s presence beside me as we shook hands. The darkness I expected to find wasn’t there, only… peace. Contentment and resolve radiated from him, with an undercurrent of deep remorse and regret.

I looked at Luke with wide eyes, remembering the night on Ahch-To when he told me the truth about Vader. How he sacrificed himself on the Death Star to destroy the Emperor and save his son’s life. I didn’t believe him at the time-- I thought he was just spinning me a story to try and keep me from embracing the darkness. Snoke told me he was using me, manipulating me, and I believed him. I assumed Luke had to be lying. How could someone that powerful, that enmeshed in the Dark side, possibly turn back to the light? And then, when that cold, mechanical voice echoed inside my head, I dismissed any thoughts of Vader and the light as pure fantasy.

My eyes were wide as saucers, my disbelief written all over my face. Luke gave me a knowing glance, smiling softly. 

“I…  _ You’re _ Vader? Darth Vader? One of the most infamous Sith lords in the galaxy?”

Anakin looked down, his eyes turning sad. Guilt was rolling off of him in waves. “I was. A long time ago.” He jerked his head forward, silently asking me to walk with him. “We should probably talk.” 

I glanced back at Luke, who was nodding at me encouragingly, as I fell into step beside him. I was still in shock that this was the face of the Sith lord I aspired to become. Now, he looked like an average young man, even if I could feel how strongly the Force surrounded him. I had so many questions, thoughts that had been swirling through my head for so long. There were so many things I wanted to say to my grandfather that I didn’t know where to begin.

Anakin saved me the trouble. “I’ve been wanting to talk to you for some time now, Ben. Seems like we’ve got a lot in common.” He smirked at me. “Even down to the matching scars. You don’t happen to have a robotic left hand, do you? That would just be strange.”

I laughed in spite of myself, the disbelief still coursing through me. “No.” I blurted it out before I could stop myself. “You said you  _ were _ Darth Vader. How… I mean, did you--”

He cut me off before I could finish. “I don’t know how much Snoke or Palpatine told you. Luke could sense the shroud they had pulled over you, clouding your mind to the truth. Did Luke ever tell you about the day I died?

I was almost ashamed to say it. “He told me some. But by that point, I’d already stopped trusting him, and my parents. He… he said you saved him.”

He nodded. “I did. Just like you saved Rey, in the end. Seems like valiant sacrifices run in the family, doesn’t it?” He smiled again.

“You know about that?”

“When Luke came to you in the throne room, he could sense what was to come. And then afterwards, when he felt the disturbance in the Force… he could tell you made the same choice I did.”

I finally asked the question I’d wanted to ask since I laid eyes on my grandfather. “What really happened? That day, on the Death Star?”

He sighed. “I was meant to bring Luke before the Emperor. Your uncle turned himself in, and the Emperor wanted to turn him, as he had turned me.”

_ Turned me?  _ “Turned you? What do you mean?”

That smirk came back. I was growing to like it. “One story at a time, Ben.”

He kept going. “Luke was defiant, to the end. We fought, at the Emperor’s behest, and he bested me. He could have killed me-- it was what Palpatine wanted. But he said no. He said he was a Jedi like his father, and he would never turn.” His eyes grew sadder as he spoke, and by the end, his voice was barely above a whisper. I opened my mouth to speak, but Anakin continued before I could.

“When the Emperor didn’t get what he wanted, he… I can still hear Luke screaming, sometimes.”

I shuddered. I’d been on the receiving end of Snoke’s rage on occasion. I remembered how it felt, the electricity ripping through me. Even during a short burst, the lightning felt unspeakably painful.

Anakin’s eyes were watery, his voice wavering. “He begged me. Screamed at me for help. He believed there was still good in me, even after everything I did, and I… I couldn’t watch it happen.” His voice broke on the last word.

_ Luke told you the truth. _ “You saved him.”

Anakin nodded, a steely look in his eyes. “I threw Palpatine down a hole, right there in the throne room. It fried my life support, but it got the job done. Luke was safe. I got to die knowing I did something right, in the end.”

It was like hearing my own thoughts spoken back at me. “You found the light again, even after all that time in the dark,” I said, my voice filled with wonder. 

“It wasn’t easy. I succumbed to the Dark side for a long time. After the end of the war… there was nothing left for me. I embraced the monster. But when I found out I had a son, and a daughter… I wanted to do right by them, just the once.”

I felt the guilt rising up once again. “I… I had family too. They believed in me, even when things got bad, and I failed them. I killed my father, and I let my mother die while I did  _ nothing. _ ”

Anakin looked at me sadly. “But you came back, Ben. Believe me. I know how hard that can be.”

I could feel my eyes watering again.  _ I haven’t cried this much in years.  _ “I… I saved someone. She wasn’t family. But she believed in me, just like Luke believed in you.”

He grasped both of my hands in his. “I fought the darkness, for a long time, once I found out about Luke. It’s a hard fight, one that most people lose. The Dark side thrives by making you feel isolated, confused, and trapped. But coming back, even though it doesn’t feel like much next to the mistakes we made, is something to be proud of.”

I felt a few tears running down my face before he finished talking. I couldn’t help it-- I hugged him, throwing my arms around him and burying my head in the crook of his neck. Part of me never wanted to let go. I thought Anakin and I were alike, but it was only then that I realized just how similar we really were. We had both done terrible things under the influence of the Dark side Here was the one person who could really understand all these messy emotions I was feeling, because he felt them too. 

Anakin returned the hug, clapping me on the back before pulling back to look at me again. There were so many things I wanted to say. I wanted to tell him how good it felt to have someone who understood, who could feel what I was feeling, but my mental filter still wasn’t working. “How did it happen?” I blurted it out. “How did you become Vader? I’ve seen the records, but… I need to hear it from you.”

He sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I was a fool,” he began. “I let down everyone I ever cared about when I turned, and I haven’t stopped hating myself for it.” He swallowed, trying to compose himself before continuing. “The Jedi were fighting a brutal war against the Sith, and I was on the front lines. I tried to do what was right, tried to help whoever I could, but… I broke all the Jedi rules,” he laughed. “I had a wife. Padmè. I cared about her more than anything.”

My confusion must have shown on my face. “Jedi aren’t supposed to have attachments.”

“No. We weren’t. But I couldn’t help it… I loved her so much it didn’t matter to me. We kept it a secret from everyone, for as long as we could.” He had a sad, wistful look in his eyes as he spoke. “I still miss her, even now. Your mother is so much like her.”

“What happened?”

“When I got back to Coruscant, Padme told me she was pregnant. I’d never been so happy in my life. But then… I started having nightmares. Visions, of Padme dying in childbirth. I was so  _ afraid _ , all the time, of something happening to her. I was willing to do  _ anything _ I had to to keep her safe.”

He ran his hand through his hair again, his voice wavering. “When Palpatine said that the Dark side could help me save her, I… I became his apprentice.”

I was speechless. “It was all for love?”

His eyes hardened, his voice lowering to a growl. “Palpatine told me the ways of the Dark side could help stop people from dying. He got inside my head for  _ years _ , made me think he was the only one I could trust. And then, when I woke up in that metal suit, under that mask… he told me she was gone. And there was nothing left of me.”

“I’m sorry.” I didn’t know what else to say. “I never knew.” 

He smiled at me. “It’s alright. I did terrible things as Darth Vader. I’ve made peace with some of my mistakes, but I’m still working to forgive myself for the rest.”

I felt more ashamed of myself than I ever had. Anakin started down the dark path to save the people he loved, but me? I joined up with the First Order of my own free will. “I joined the Dark side because I wanted to.” My voice was hard and bitter. “I didn’t do it for some noble cause, or to help someone. I did it because I wanted power. I was selfish, arrogant, and I  _ liked _ it.” Anakin put his hand on my shoulder, and I wondered if he could feel me trembling as I asked him the one question that only he could help me answer. “How do I forgive myself for that?”

He braced his hands on both my shoulders, looking me square in the eye. “It’s not going to be easy, Ben. Believe me. There were times I tried to reach you, early on, when I saw you repeating my mistakes, but I was never able to get through to you. It was like the Dark side was shielding you from me, somehow. And it  _ killed me _ knowing that you were suffering, exactly the same way I did, thinking becoming Vader’s heir was your destiny. But I am so  _ proud  _ of you, my grandson.”

It was the same words my mother had spoken to me when she found me here, but I felt a lump instantly rising in my throat again as Anakin said it. “I feel so  _ guilty. _ I don’t deserve pride, from anyone.” 

Anakin smiled ruefully, and I felt a bit stupid for telling this to  _ him _ of all people. “The guilt doesn’t go away.” His voice was soft, gentle. “Obi Wan would tell you to be mindful of your feelings. Acknowledge them, and remember them, but move on from them all the same. Don’t forget the past. Force knows I can’t, and I never will. But we can’t let those feelings trap us, either.” He squeezed my shoulder. “I’ll help you.” 

“I-- thank you.” I couldn’t say anything more than that, otherwise the tears would start falling again. Something he said though, made me pause. “Obi Wan? Kenobi?”

Anakin smiled the brightest smile yet. “My old master. He was like a father to me-- one of the best men I ever knew. Luke said you were named for him.”

Curiosity got the better of me. “My mother didn’t tell me much about him, only that he was the one she called for help against the Empire.”

“He was a great Jedi. Wise, kind, and powerful. He practically raised me.”

“I wish I could have met him. I wish… I wish a lot of things,” I sighed. 

Anakin seemed to read my thoughts. “Many Jedi have been caught in the Dark side’s web, Ben. Better Jedi than us. Most of them didn’t make it back.”

I nodded. There were so many emotions burning through me, so many questions I still wanted to ask him, but I was still in shock. My  _ grandfather _ was standing in front of me, smiling at me, and everything I thought I knew about him had just changed. Nothing made sense anymore, but part of me was just so  _ relieved _ to have finally found someone who understood what I was feeling. I opened my mouth to speak, and said the only thing I could think of. “So, what now?” 

He smirked at me. “Well, we’ve got nothing but time. I’d like to get to know my grandson a bit.”

I smiled wide, letting the warmth at hearing him call me grandson flow through me. I knew it would be a long road, and despite being dead, I felt more apprehensive about the future than I had in a long time. But I wasn’t alone; I had my mother, my uncle, and now my  _ grandfather _ to guide me. Maybe I could find peace. Someday.


End file.
